Hamburgers, Hammers, and Hardships
by J.B. Writer
Summary: After a victory, the Avengers decide to go to the nearest burger joint for a celebration.  Thor inadvertently divulges relationship problems with Jane to his fellow teammates, launching into a once in a lifetime super hero relationship roundtable.
1. The Talk

**A/N: **I wasn't going to release this... but what the heck. This was actually the first thing I wrote after seeing Thor. Let's just say I was in... a certain state of mind. It's a silly two parter with the most inane plot you could give a group of super heroes. Short but I hope not too out there!

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><p><strong>The Talk<strong>

Thor peers out to the splendor of a dark night sky, the high winds brushing his long blonde mane. After a hard day of battling evil all Asgardian's were used to celebrating the daily victories. The best of them Thor was no different. He was relaxed. He wasn't running at super speeds. No he wasn't flying or soaring towards he heavens. He was a passenger in an Earthly car… being just one of the 'guys'.

… Yes the 'guys'.

A group of 'guys' that were trying to be more normal than they really were.

Being a fish out of water, Thor was a bit glad he was around stranger than regular folk. The car they were in, a midnight blue luxury concept sedan, pulled up to a fast food joint. This is a rare occurrence. Strange surely, but nothing too shocking. Tack on that fact the four super heroes were riding in the vehicle? This was an even more rare occurrence.

The fact they had an Asgardian Prince and a superhuman from the 40s in this particular group of food runners?

… It had to be some sort of bad setup for a joke.

"Tell me again why we're here?" Steve Rogers, the Captain himself turned towards the driver. Thor shot a glance towards the same navigator in question, his attention peeling back into the car. The Avenger's all rich and powerful navigator had that heir about him for sure.

"Uh… to grab burgers sir." The one and only Tony Stark answered bluntly as he only knew how, eyes hidden behind those dark shades. "What'd you want Rogers? A game of golf? A movie?"

"Oh brother… here we go again." The passenger to Thor's left in black and purple sighed.

"I just don't get it. You have a private chef." Steve was in casual clothing of a patriotic rendition of a red and white t-shirt and jeans, the modern stuff still feeling quite strange on him. "This stuff is not good intake. Why fast food?"

"Because it's fun, it tastes good, and sometimes you just gotta live dangerously." Tony parked the all too expensive concept car he had been designing with Chevy. "There's nothing more American then a fast food burger joint and seeing that Thor is new to this? I thought it'd be a great time to introduce him. What kind of Captain 'America' are you anyway?"

"First off hamburgers are from… Germany…" Steve pointed out. "Secondly-"

"Come on. Do you really always have to pull the know-it-all card on me?" Tony shrugged in interruption. "What? Oh right… you lived in history didn't you? Were you there in Germany when it was created Grandpa time? Please don't tell me it's Nazi food now."

Steve twitched and was ready to retort.

"Friends, please no need for the confrontations!" Thor leaned forward between the seats with his thundering voice, grabbing both Tony and Steve on the shoulders quite firmly. "We have already fought a great battle today and it is time to celebrate in our victories!" The God that begged for battles had become a great deference from conflict. A sore shoulder aside… Tony agreed.

"Uh, exactly… this is Avenger bonding time right?" Tony got out of the car, his Armani custom suit not making him look any less conspicuous. "Stop being such a buzz kill."

Steve stepped out with a sigh. "Look, judging from Thor's appetite and where you're bringing him, I'm just worried he's going to feel like he ate MJOLNIR after tonight's over alright?"

"The big lug will be fine. He can take a punch from Hulk… he can eat as many Cow Tippers as he wants."

"… You're going to regret this."

Thor takes a step out of the vehicle, the other side door opening as the more quiet of the group took a breath. Clint Barton was definitely the "cool" and calm one. Being an expert marksman made you have those frozen nerves. And frozen was what Thor and Clint were as they shared an amazed look, watching Iron Man and Captain America still continue their spatter into the diner. The restaurant _Mooby's _was about to get a super class of customers and crazy characters based on the two lead dogs of this group.

Hawkeye shot Thor a look of sarcasm yet honesty. "You know one of these days those two will be the end of us. I give this team two months tops."

"My brother, have a bit more faith." Thor chuckles as they walked towards the building in a slow follow.

"Faith is not good enough odds for me." Clint answered as he thought of his philosophy. Taking a shot should never be left to change. Take your shot? … And hit the bull's-eye every time was his philosophy.

Thor half listened as Clint knew it as well. The God's nose had already picked up the scent. Thor didn't have very many weaknesses but a good meal was definitely one of them.

- T – T – T –

When Eric, Jane, and Darcy had their first look at a feasting Thor, their looks were identical. They all had that same mummified, horrified, and yet amazed looks. For Steve, Clint, and Tony it was no different. Thor's dining section was filled to capacity with boxes and boxes of crumbs, and cups and cups of empty fountain drinks.

"So let's see… that's like fifteen Cow Tippers... ten large fries and five super gulps of Pepsi." Tony calculated the bill more amused than anything. "Not bad if you're feeding King Kong…"

"This food is like an epiphany my friends." Thor's facial expressions spoke of the joy and eye opening meal. His mouth was full and table manners was not a concern. "Is this what you earthlings eat all the time? This should be our post victory meal for every night!"

"… I told you the health concerns are real." Steve reiterated with a sip of his cold water. Tony was beginning to second guess himself silently.

"Hey uh Thor is everything cool?" Clint wiped his hands clean of the grease. "You're eating like you've got no tomorrow. Everything uh… a-okay?"

"How can it not be okay?" Thor finished another beverage like a champion. "What is there to be worry about? We were victorious! This is an epic meal! I have nothing but cheer at the moment."

"Just wondering… I noticed Jane not looking too happy earlier today." Clint said a bit randomly, the others at the table instantly took notice.

"What are you… her stalker?" Tony tossed a French fry towards a propped up bag, playing his own little game of basketball.

"Whoa! Nah, I'm just used to eyeing my surroundings!" Clint tried to put a fire that Tony potential just started. "Thor… I am in no way shape or form looking at your woman!"

"Relax my friend…" Thor stopped his smorgasbord for the moment, wiping his mouth. The Asgardian had no ill thoughts but more of a worried face. "You say Jane was unhappy? Why?"

"I… I dunno. She just looked upset." Clint shrugged, wishing he had just kept his mouth shut now. "You two just got back from lunch or something and I assumed that you two were having some issues during that break."

"… Issues? What issues?" Thor tried to remember, tapping his head with a curious finger. "We had a glorious time. Lots of laughter and smiles. We even played that Whack a mole game she loves so much… and she laughed when I destroyed the machine. I cannot remember any verbal scuffles."

"So… uh you two get in a fight afterwards or something?" Tony cracked in a tease. "Is our flying Asgardian having girl problems?"

"No… no we did not argue." Thor tapped his foot now, trying to conjure up a clear image of the cute date day. "The only thing I can remember is an innocent discussion about MJOLNIR and the weapons importance relative to hers."

"Whoa whoa, whoa… wait a second." Steve finally stepped in the conversation, blonde hair and blue eyes hunk with a puzzled stare. "Let me guess. Did she ask you whether or not she's more important to you than MJOLNIR?"

"Uh, yes. We just had a discussion about the aspects of MJOLNIR's importance to me and how it compares to her."

"Oh… you did tell her that you'd throw away that hammer for her a thousand times over right?" Tony laughed only to stare at Thor's blank face with a sympathetic man's horror "I mean Thor… if you didn't…"

"Well of course I told her I would." The prince nodded confidently... only to think on it a little more. "But then again I also explained to her the importance of the weapon and the difficult-"

"Oh God no…" Tony gasped. "Thor… Thor… you DO NOT DO THAT!"

"Do… what?"

"Okay… listen closely alright?"

Thus began the talk…


	2. The Solution

**A/N: **Thanks for the support everyone... :) I am so glad people dig the story. Hopefully it finishes well enough!

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><p><strong>The Solution<strong>

"... Tell them what they want to hear." Tony said in all seriousness.

"… Tell them… what they want… to hear." Thor repeated in a puzzled manner, almost like a cave man would in a bad TV commercial.

"Yes, Thor… you don't compare Jane to your hammer." Iron Man was almost poking him in the chest he was so adamant. "I don't care how important that thing is to you and how many times it's saved your life or what powers it gives you."

"B-but… I did not compare her to it. I was just explaining-"

"Shhh!" Tony pointed his finger again in a dictating manner, making Thor look like a silent child more so than a God of Thunder. "You tell the girl she's the most important thing in the world to you and zip your mouth. That's what you should have done. And that's what you're going to do from now on… understood?"

"N-no, I do not understand… I was just being honest-"

"Honesty is about as useful as a Tylenol!" Tony shook his head, poking at his own glowing chest now. "You see this little gem here?" He manipulated the glowing piece. "…. This thing keeps me alive Thor. I lose this then I drop dead like a door nail." He smiled. "But if a girl I want to have a good time with asks me if this is more important to me? I'd… tell them I'd throw it away right now."

"Huh, but you'd die…"

"Doesn't matter… just tell them what they want to hear! Are you getting this yet? Hello?"

Tony was too serious. Thor blinked as Captain America and Hawkeye were poking away at their food, trying to wait out a solid reply from the Asgardian. The blonde warrior just put his hands on his chin a bit concerned. "I cannot see Jane being angry over such honesty."

"She's a woman ain't she?" Tony gave a nod. "They're beautiful creatures and they are our better half… only problem is they know that too much. Way way way too much."

"Why can't I be honest? In Asgard our women are very accepting of truth. Honesty is a desire."

"Heh well… welcome to Earth amigo." Clint muttered suddenly as he chewed on a French fry.

"Look, I am not saying Jane is a crazy dane." Mr. Stark cleared that up. "She's just… a WOMAN… they can't help but want to be the attention and goddess of your world. Jane can't help it!"

"I still… don't believe this but… if Clint is correct… oh I feel horrible." Thor suddenly held his stomach like it was a churning hurricane building up. "I did not wish to upset her!"

"Egh.. I don't think those burgers were a good idea before… now for sure… nope." Steve blinked as he gave Thor a few pats on the back. "Not the smoothest way to handle the question old friend but I do think Tony is over exaggerating a little bit. Women aren't that-"

"Over exaggerating?" Tony gasped, getting Thor's attention with that swagger. "Don't listen to Rodgers Thor… you're going to get Earth advice from someone who hung out with Plato and Socrates. Say… didn't you owe them both like a sack of salt or something?"

"… Hah, it's not as bad as listening to someone who's so out of touch with women that thinks otherwise."

"Hah! Me… Tony Stark? Out of touch with the ladies?" Tony seemed so insulted. "You've seen the girls I've dated Cap. Don't be jealous now. I know the modern women."

"Stark you've never taken anything serious in your life… you can't give Thor's serious relationship any help. The only modern women you have any success with are ones that are looking at your gold… and I'm not talking your Iron Man suit. "

"… W-well… well... y-you're REALLY old!"

"…"

"Look Thor, just tell her you're sorry… and give her some gifts and it'll all be good!" Clint played the calm reassurance. "Doesn't matter how she's mad or why she's mad. Just make it up and everything is all well."

"H-how do I make it up? What would you all do? Friends please… teach me the ways of Earthly forgiveness."

"It's alright Thor… you can always make it up." Captain America smirked. " This reminds me of a time…"

"Oh great… history lesson…" Tony sighed.

"… Ahem…" Steve cleared his throat again. "This reminds me… of when I first met Peggy… she was so sweet and I actually was supposed to take her out to a nice fine dinner. But some of the soldiers-"

"Can you please just tell the man what he needs to know?" Tony urged.

"F-fine… I always find that flowers and a smile gets you many forgiveness miles… and… I miss my Pegs…" Steve sighed.

"Flowers are so… 80s… girls like something shiny Thor. Some diamond rings… a necklace… even a really overpriced dress works."

"Does he look like he's got a million bucks sitting behind him to you?" Captain America wanted to bat Tony across the head.

"Clint, what would you do?"

"Um… I don't know… the girl's I'm interested in…"

_**Black Widow….**_

"Heh… they hate me either way in the end… what's the use ya know?"

The question seemed to sour Clint's mood, thinking of the ice queen he was involved with. Actually, if one were to take a close look at all of the superheroes in this group? They were a bit down… evil had no issues like the issues of the opposite sex. Even after all of this, Thor wasn't getting much help… it was sort of expected sadly.

"Contrary to popular belief, I am a deep romance searching guy Thor. There's a certain girl I've been keeping my eye on forever."

"Pepper… we know…" Clint rolled his eyes.

"If you all know, then why give me so much crap about-"

"Stop talking about marrying her…" Hawkeye shook his hands. "And then not do anything about it is all I'm saying."

"I am going to marry her one day!"

"Grow up first." Captain America chimed in.

"Rogers, why don't you act your age… oh wait… you'd probably be like dust in a box right?"

"Okay enough!" Thor stood up suddenly grabbing MJOLNIR and looking at them. "Thank you friends no need for the tension. I am sorry to cut this short but… I must go make this up to her. I do not care for the reasons she's angry! I must clear this up with Jane. I want her happy!"

In seconds Thor bolted out the door, taking flight into the night sky… leaving a somewhat dejected crew behind at the table. He wanted her happy… were they just as selfless as they were with their hero lives?

"… You think he's going to be cool?" Clint eyed his two leaders with a shrug.

"We're siting in a fast food restaurant with each other and no one to care about like that guy cares about Jane." Tony flipped a napkin around. "I'd say he's going to be great."

"Amen to that…" Captain America raised his water to clash with his other teammates in a male bonding moment. "To the women that spur us… but we cannot get enough of."

"To women…"

"To women…."

- T – T – T –

"T-thor… what is this?" Jane Foster opened the door to her apartment in her Pjs, staring at an Asgardian prince with Walmart bags scattered all around his body. He was carrying more goods than a hoarder would.

"Hello my lady… I have brought you gifts!" Thor grinned behind a few bags.

"… I see um…"

"Whoa… did Thor win some sort of shopping spree." Darcy was inside snacking on popcorn.

"Oh you are with Darcy… hello." Thor waved happily.

"Thor um…" Jane looked up and down her boyfriend's strange behavior. "Y-yeah… we're watching Top Chef… we always do every Wednesday. Um… Thor… can you please tell me what's up with all these gifts?"

"W-well… I … just take a look at them! I have flowers that smell like the cotton candy… I have a disk, which has the entire season of the show "Full House", that you watch… I have also-"

"W-wow thanks Thor but… why did you go to Walmart and get all these tonight?"

"I… um… it was the only place open…"

"Thor… is something wrong?" Jane looked seriously concerned now, as Thor seemed to be too uncomfortable. The Asgardian gave in, suddenly walking towards Darcy and taking her by the hand, slowly guiding her out.

"Can we have a little privacy friend Darcy?"

"B-but the commercials is almost-"

Slam the door shut on her face.

"Thor… I'm concerned. What's going on?"

"Please do not be angry with me! Please forgive me!" Thor went to her holding her hands softly. "I did not wish to upset you. I would throw away MJOLNIR a million times over to make you happy! You are the most important thing in my life!"

"Really… so… your parents… Asgard… more important then them?" Jane blinked.

"Surely! I would throw it all away!"

"… Thor what are you…"

"You're upset that I did not answer swiftly… the question we had at lunch today. I apologize! You are much much more important to me than even MJOLNIR."

"I'm more important then the weapon passed down to you by your father? … That's touching Thor." Jane giggled as she suddenly pulled him to the couch. "Okay… what's brought this on? You're acting like I was mad at you or something."

"W-wait…" Thor peaked at her honest eyes. "You were not upset?"

"No… I had no reason to be." Jane gave him a poke to his chin… looking at her silly boyfriend with cute questioning perks. "What brought this on?"

"… Well Clint said he noticed you being upset… "

"After getting off the phone with Eric?"

"Eric..?"

"Y-yes… I was with Clint… and I just got done talking to Eric and he's… just been concerning me lately… acting strangely you know?"

"Oh I… had no idea." Thor blinked in relief for only himself. " After a discussion over dinner with my teammates I thought you were angry I wasn't-"

"Telling me exactly what I wanted to hear?"

"…. Y-yes…"

"Oh boy…" Jane giggled at him. "Did Tony tell you this? Don't tell me Steve did too?"

"Well… we were all discussing like I said…" Thor didn't want throw anyone under the bus.

"Thor… I'm not that petty… and heck… Tony probably thinks all women are that way… the ones he dates." Jane hugged him gently, putting her head in his chest. "I just want you to be honest with me. Even… if MJOLNIR is more important… I'd understand. You're more than just my boyfriend… you're Thor… protector of all the realms."

"I… I…" Thor looked down so appreciatively. "You are… the woman that I have been looking for…" He bopped his own head with an open palm. "How can I think so low of you… that you wouldn't understand-"

"These earth boys are poisoning your mind… Cap, Iron Man, and Hawkeye maybe great super heroes… but like most boys? They're all clueless…" Jane smirked. "You're the first guy that gets women that I've met and you're not even from this planet… See how sad that is?"

Thor grew a bit bashful. "And you are as understanding as the most respected women in Asgard." The God suddenly picked her up, hugging her high. "I apologize for this . I will always be honest with you. You know that right?"

"It's okay… as long as you're honest and happy." Jane gave him a soft peck on his lips, holding him close. "I'm glad you're here…" She sniffed making Thor lean back a bit. "But you smell… like fast food."

"Oh right…" Thor sighed. "For the first time in my life my stomach aches after eating… and I've eaten almost an entire room's full of Asgardian delicacies…"

"Heh… let me make you something that might help." Jane landed on her feet gently as she walked towards the door, opening it… an eaves dropping Darcy suddenly toppling over and on the floor.

Thor and Jane just stared.

"Heh… heh… just uh… tying my shoes…" Darcy laughed nervously, slowly reaching down towards a bag. "Oh Full House! C-can we watch! Huh?"

"Um you know what Darcy… you can take the DVD and watch it…. Um me and Thor have-"

"Okay… okay… I get the picture." Darcy nodded, going to grab her things and the DVD. "Have fun you two…"

"We'll try." Jane guided her friend out with a hug and embrace, closing the door slowly, and turning back. "Well… since you bought me so many gifts I figured I should be thankful right?"

"Well… I did have to push a few civilians aside due to this emergency…"

"Oh my god. Picturing you waiting in line at a Walmart is making my eyes water Thor…" Jane giggled to herself as she tried to contain her laughter.

"Are you mocking me my lady?"

"M-me? Never…" Jane suddenly stood up proud. "I am the prince of Asgard… and I shall wait in line like a silly man… holding flowers and a teddy bear!"

"How dare you mock my pride…. You must be punished…" Thor began creeping over.

"Thor… no… Thor!" Jane felt a tickling as her boyfriend had him in his strong grasp, taking them over to the couch where he had her underneath. Her giggling slowed as Thor kissed her deeply and passionately… knowing that she was about as important as anything in his life. His actions spoke louder than words. The confusion was irrelevant.

Jane was by far… the most important thing in his life.

No talk or advice was needed to clarify that.

… THE END


End file.
